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Dan's Facts
Dan's Facts refers to No Such Thing As A Fish host Dan Schreiber's reputation for presenting "facts" for the podcast which are not actually facts. Listed below are only the examples where Schreiber claims the fact is true, or believes it himself, not when he is reporting on the beliefs of others (as with the Titanic fact in Episode 163: No Such Thing As Too Fast For A Fish). Headline Facts * In Episode 8: No Such Thing As A Swear Word on the Moon, Dan's headline fact is that that the music from the You Wouldn't Steal A Car anti-piracy advert was pirated. This is a common urban myth - in reality, the composer Melchior Rietveldt wrote the music for the anti-piracy advert in 2004, for which he was paid. In 2006 he then had a totally different piece of music pirated and used for an advert at a Dutch film festival. The two pieces of music are unconnected, and he was eventually compensated for the pirated one. * In Episode 135: No Such Thing As Queen of Clean, the Sausage Machine, Dan's fact is believed to be false by the others, but it is in fact true. * In Episode 163: No Such Thing As Too Fast For A Fish, Hodgman's fact is one that Dan continually tried to bring up on the programme but which Ptaszynski kept vetoing because it is not true (although it is true that people believe it). During Podcasts * In Episode 22: No Such Thing As A Magic Camel Filter, Dan presents two facts, which are addressed in later episodes and admitted to be false. ** He claims that if you give a camel water containing poison, then drink the vomit of the camel, the poison will have been removed. As of TBA he admits this is not true, but that camel dung can be wrung out to obtain some clean water. ** He claims that Ash Gardner told him that carbon dioxide bubbles are removed from fizzy drinks before shipping, and that the same bubbles are added back in afterwards. As of TBA, Gardner has admitted that this was false. * In Episode 27: No Such Thing As An Egg and Cress Portsmouth, Dan mentions the Mongolian death worm, whose defense mechanism is to shoot acid from its eyes and thunderbolts from its backside. * In No Such Thing As Unbroadcastable Material, Dan is informed that Pope Joan was a myth. Although he immediately admitted that he didn't believe the story, he was attempting to introduce it as if it were true. * In Episode 64: No Such Thing As An Honest Saiga, Schreiber claims that there is a trapdoor underneath the President's chair in the Oval Office. As of Episode 172: No Such Thing As A Cat-a-Cops Cartoon, he has had to recant this, as he realised the source was called "not the White House". * In Episode 75: No Such Thing As Diarrhea Drive, Dan decides that he should have been born during the 18th century, when a Mastodon tooth was claimed to be "the Tooth of a Giant". * In Episode 83: No Such Thing As A Flying Sniffer Dog, Dan again dicusses the Mongolian Death Worm. * In Episode 91: No Such Thing As Apocalypse 1988, Dan claims that Andrew Hunter Murray has banned him from discussing the Mongolian Death Worm. * In Episode 92: No Such Thing As A Frozen Chicken Haunting, Dan claims that Highgate is haunted by the chicken that Francis Bacon died while attempting to preserve. * In Episode 104: No Such Thing As A Herd of Koalas, Dan talks about an interview he conducted with the explorer Charles Brewer-Carias, who claims to have discovered the city of El Dorado, and the oldest lifeform on Earth which is a glowing coral from outer space. * In Episode 112: No Such Thing As A Lego Aircraft Carrier, Dan relates a story told by Wade Davis about a man who, in order to survive, froze his own feces into a knife and killed a dog with it. As of TBA this has been retracted. * In Episode 133: No Such Thing As Paranoid Ants, Dan is told that if you state a fact without checking if it's true, that's not lying it's "just bullshit". He is thrilled. * In Episode 150: No Such Thing As A Helium Filled Pufferfish, Dan offers a stuffed toy Mongolian Death Worm as a prize for completing an online survey. * In Episode 163: No Such Thing As Too Fast For A Fish, Hodgman's fact is one which Dan repeatedly tried to get onto the podcast, but was vetoed. * In Episode 183: No Such Thing As A Bouncy Theatre, Dan promotes the idea that the Nazca people built hot air balloons. * In Episode 191: No Such Thing As A Cannibal Squirrel, Dan claims that Adam and Eve were vegetable people, akin to Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy. * In Episode 200: No Such Thing As A Jigsaw For The Queen, after Dan claims that babies can see things adults cannot, Murray says that "I saw the headline but didn't read the article" would be on Dan's tombstone. Yetis Schreiber seems to like the Yeti/Bigfoot/Sasquatch as a source for dubious facts. They appear in the following: * They are first mentioned in Episode 16: No Such Thing As A Ghost in Poland. * His headline fact in Episode 26: No Such Thing As A Yeti Fact. * In No Such Thing As Unbroadcastable Material, he claims that there is a Welsh Yeti, and that Brian Blessed told him that most Tibetan yeti sightings are actually western tourists wearing fur. * In Episode 90: No Such Thing As The Brilliant Billion, he talks about how Einstein's daughter married the first scientist to take the Bigfoot seriously. * In Episode 132: No Such Thing As A Creepy Weather Forecaster, James Harkin explains how you can play as a Yeti in the game GTAV. * In Episode 145: No Such Thing As E.T. Part Three, Dan claims that Yetis can put their feet on backwards to hide the direction they are walking in. He also claims that the Yeti Park ranger told him that Yetis can turn invisible. * In Episode 178: No Such Thing As A Cup Full Of Nessie, Andy relates a story about a purported Yeti sighting, which turned out to be a shaman wearing animal skins who was also looking for the Yeti. * In Episode 183: No Such Thing As A Bouncy Theatre, Alex Bell points out that Dan only found his fact about Haley Joel Osment because Osment was auditioning for an advert for Bigfoot Pizza. Category:Running Jokes